Free Resources - Personal Development Exercises

What Do You Really, Really Want?

If your answer to this is "more money", "a bigger house", "a new car", "a better job" - you're not thinking big enough! Or far enough ahead.

Imagine you could step into a time machine right now, press a few buttons, and emerge in your future ideal life.

Take your pen and paper and describe everything you see, everything you can hear, and everything you feel. You are living your ideal life, what it is like?

Make it as real and colourful as you can - what are you wearing? Where are you? What is your home like? (describe the décor, the furniture, the view from the window) What car is in the drive? Who is with you? What sort of work are you doing?

Stay with your vision for the future as long as you want, and really notice everything about it.

When you are ready, step back into the time machine and return to the present. Come back to where you are sitting and read through what you have written. Add anything you may have forgotten.

Now you have an idea of what you really want, you can start planning for it by setting goals. Keep your notes safely as you will be referring to them again. Some people find it useful to prepare a pictorial reminder of their ideal life by collecting pictures from magazines of their house, car, clothes, etc., and sticking them onto a board or card so they can remind themselves what they are working towards.

Whatever method you use, ask yourself "Is what I am doing right now taking me closer to my ideal life?" (If it isn't, why are you doing it?)

How Much Baggage Are You Carrying?

In my coaching practice, I work with people to help them achieve their goals and ambitions. Before we even think of looking at how to move forward, we assess the current situation. Normally I'm not interested in my clients' past, unless it is accumulated clutter that is going to affect their progress.

Clutter drains us of energy - in fact, it can cause any or all of the following:

• Clutter can keep you in the past and stop you moving forwards
• Clutter can make you feel ashamed - how can you let anyone else see it?
• Clutter can cause extra cleaning - dusting it, moving it to vacuum
• Clutter can make you disorganised - it's here somewhere
• Clutter can distract you from important things - how can you concentrate on new projects?
• Clutter can depress you or make you feel tired and lethargic

So, if clutter does all that, why do we keep it?

Think about your own areas of physical clutter for a few minutes and make a list of 10 areas where clutter is a problem - here are some typical examples:

• Collections (why do you collect specific things, what emotion is it replacing?)
• Paper clutter - books, magazines, clippings, photographs
• Sentimental stuff
• Electronic clutter
• Things you no longer use
• Unwanted presents
• Things you don't like
• Things that need fixing
• Duplicates
• Boxes
• Mystery items

Now pick 3 areas from your list that you are prepared to work on. 3 is the maximum number of things it is possible to focus on effectively at any one time.

You have to start getting rid of stuff so you can make space in your life. Be ruthless, ask yourself "What's the worst thing that could happen if I didn't have this?" If you can live with the possible consequences, ditch it.

How about asking a friend (preferably an organized one) to help? It can sometimes be easier than doing it alone, especially if you are having trouble getting over your attachment to things. Perhaps you could return the favour and help them clear their clutter?

Do You Treat Yourself as a VIP?

If you don't believe you are a V.I.P. you are doing yourself a disservice. Unless you treat yourself as if you matter, how can you expect others to? We are brought up to put others first and to believe that it is selfish to think of ourselves. No wonder we have such trouble asking for what we want, or feel resentful at being last on the list.

The truth is that, if we take care of ourselves first, we are in a better position to take care of others - and we are nicer to know and be with!

The following are examples of taking good care of yourself :

Setting boundaries - clearly stating (calmly but firmly) what you will and will not tolerate. This could be how people speak to you, if they are always late to meet you, if they expect you to change your plans for them every time they ask - I'm sure you can think of examples in your life. Unless you let them know what is acceptable to you, how will they know? Some people will find it difficult to understand changes in your boundaries at first but remember - your wishes are just as important as theirs.

Saying "no" - this one is so simple, yet so difficult for many of us. It is OK to say "no" to unreasonable requests and, although it may come as a surprise to others at first, they will come to respect you for it. Try saying no to something once each day for a week and notice how good it feels to give yourself a choice.

Build yourself a supportive network of friends. These are people who will cheer you on and encourage you. You will feel energised after talking to them. Hard though it seems, you must distance yourself from people who drain your energy, who are only interested in moaning or gossiping. Notice how different you feel after encounters with these different characters. Who makes you feel better?

Treat yourself - be self-indulgent! Pamper yourself with a perfumed bubble bath; buy fresh flowers for yourself; spend an afternoon doing only what you want to do (or doing absolutely nothing!). Build in time each week just for you.

Don't just read this - do it! Pick one thing you are going to do today to treat yourself as a VIP.

Are You Being True To Yourself?

Each of us has certain values we live our lives by (some call them standards or principles). Being aware of your values makes decision-making much easier.

Values are what you are naturally drawn to, you feel "on the right track".

When I work with my clients on this area, they are often amazed to find that the reason they were unable to achieve goals they had previously set was a direct result of being untrue to their core values.

One way of identifying your values is to look at people you admire. We are naturally drawn to people who share the same values as us.

Pick at least 6 people you admire (they can be family members, friends, people in the public eye, people from history). Now make a list of what it is you admire about each of them. Are there certain words that crop up beside more than one name? Duplications simply let you know that these people share the same qualities.

Re-write the list so that each descriptor appears only once. Read through it. Which words resonate with you or make you feel warm inside? These are values that are important to you.

Now list the 5 values that are most important to you. Keep them somewhere you can refer to them.

When you are setting goals or need to make a decision on what action to take (on any area of your life), ask yourself if you are being true to your values. If you are then that is the right decision for you. It doesn't even matter if things don't quite work out; the important thing is that you have been true to yourself!

How To Find Time In Your Busy Day

Many books have been written on the subject of "Time Management", many seminars held and diary systems designed. The simple truth is that time cannot be "managed", it continues to pass at exactly the same rate as it always has - and it always will.

What we actually need to do is to learn to manage our lives, once we have done that, we will then be using the time we have available to our best advantage.

This is too large a subject to cover on this page, but here a few techniques to try:

1.		Find out how you are spending your precious time. Keep a log of everything you do for a week. Note the time spent on each activity. Do this as you go along, not at the end of the day. At the end of the week, look back at where your time was used. Are there any surprises? Compare how you actually spent your time to how you want to spend your time. What do you need to change?
2.		By now, you will have a list of goals you are working towards. Is everything you do taking you nearer those goals? If not, why are you doing it? Spend your time on your goals, not someone else's!
3.		Perfectionism is a great waster of time. If you find yourself unable to start a task until you are sure it will be just right or you keep tinkering with it - you are suffering from perfectionism! Yes, some tasks do have to be perfect with no margin for error, but not all. Some tasks can be completed to a less than perfect standard without the world coming to an end and you know which ones they are. Challenge yourself to do one thing less than perfectly each day - and see if anyone else actually notices!
4.		Procrastination is a close relative of Perfectionism. Putting things off, for whatever reason, wastes an enormous amount of time and energy spent worrying. Accept that there will always be tasks you resist doing. Do that which you resist most first - the rest of the day will be great! If it is a large task, break it down into smaller chunks of time, say 15-20 minutes and do just that each day. It will soon be done.